Poetry

Tom’s poetry is primarily meant for performance. If you are reading the poems off this page make sure you say them out loud!

Want to hear Tom?
Then order a CD from Scarlet Cord Press of 15 poems written and performed by Tom Carson entitled CONTAINS 100% REAL ME.

Songs In My Head

I have songs in my head.
Long songs, short songs
Silly willy nilly songs
Wrong songs, right songs
Put up your dukes and fight songs

Ow!

See,
Everyday from June to May
Just when I feel like I’m OK
The band in my head begins to play

Thump whistle bongy-bing
Slap-a-doodle ding a ling
Bippy shwing
Tunk a ting
Then my mouth begins to sing

Do re me fa holy smoke
I think my brain’s completely broke
Cuz the songs just come and come
Out my ears and out my –

Well, just leaking out all over.

And
The only way to sort of stop it
Is to bong the song, karate chop it.

Haaaaaeeeeeeya!

(Ah… that’s better, silence is golden.)

And
I have stories in my gut.
Like the one about the Hutu man
Stuck in his hut
With a bug-a-beary stinky skink
And the door’s stuck shut.
Or the marmaladey roasted toast
That fell towards the floor
Got stuck on Momma’s slipper
And she slipped through the door.

Oh no.

It’s my very very saddest one
All about my parrot
And how he met the fearful beastie
Fred the Frizzy Ferret

(Polly want a cracker, Polly want…oh no – aaah!)

Yeck

Stories stories bubbling up
And burping out my mouth
And floating through my bedroom
To the rest of the houth

How will I stop the songs and stories
From crowding up my brain?
I’ll sing them, I’ll tell them
Then I’ll sing and tell again.

Lucky you.

So listen. A song, a story, one for every one.

Ready? Listen.


Click here for a performance of Songs In My Head by Tom.


Lance’s Pants Dance

This verse is a story
Beware or you’ll be sorry
If you wear skintight trousers then you’ll see
That you’ll dance the dance my buddy Lancie danced when he was three

It happened before bed
When Mrs. Munning said
It was time for Lance to go take off his clothes
And that was the start of Lancie’s dancin’ woes.

So

Up to his bedroom running
Went little Lancie Munning
With a hip-hop buttonpop buckle shuffle ‘round
With a zipper-dipper tried to make his pants fall down

Alas he had no luck
His shrunken jeans were stuck
Even waistband sarabande
Beltloop hula-loop
Couldn’t make his pants fall down

So he reached up to the ceiling
And started pant leg reeling
With a cuffscuff scuffcuff heel a hem a-ground
And a dig-jiggy tried to make his pants fall down

But his trousers hugged so tightly
He had to conga lightly
With a chino cha-cha knickers knock around
And a hinder grinder tried to make his pants fall down

Even the inseam fling
Didn’t do a think
So he ah – ah – ah – ah
Boogied it down, swiveled and frowned
And his pants did NOT fall down

Then he tried to mosh
And he did the osh kosh squash
With a slam-dance pound
Force-a-fly his pants did NOT fall down

So on his back he pedaled
To get his drawers unsettled
With a tug-toe shindig wheel a leg a round
And a rock a pocket couldn’t make his pants fall down

Then his body went berserk-a
And he danced the pants mazurka!

“kick a thigh a high a pull a yank yank
Pull a yank yank
Pull a yank yank

Grip a slacks a back a pull a yank yank
Pull a yank yank

YANK!

So Lance he stood there nudie
With his bare petudie
And he bunnyhop bed-flop threw his body down
And he sighed a sigh at last to see his pants were down

But he couldn’t rise to his feet
Cuz the pants dance had him beat
With a slow-mo bodyroll plié and a yawn
He fell asleep with nothing but his birthday tutu on

So next time you get dressed
And your jodhpurs are getting stressed
And your seat’s so tight that it tickles when you sit
Think of Lance’s dance and go and get yourself some pants that fit!


Click here for a performance of Lance's Pants Dance by Tom.


The development of this material has been made possible
by the generous assistance of the Ontario Arts Council.

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